Samsara - The Movie

Samsara is a westernized word for Sansar, which in Hindi means – World.

Samsara is a movie by Pan Nalin that is centred around the life of a Buddhist monk Tashi. In this blog, I am going to discuss the whole story and especially the very interesting climax (before discussing which I will give a spoiler alert), as it gives a good food for thought for the material and/versus spiritual life.

The movie starts with a scene where Tashi’s fellow and senior monks go to Himalaya to awaken him out of a 3 year meditation. On their way, an eagle picks up a stone from somewhere and drops it in the sky on one of their lambs, which immediately dies due to the strike. After waking up Tashi, they take him back to their home, treating him slowly on the way to bring his body and senses back to normal. On the way, Tashi reads writing on the stone – ‘How can one prevent a drop of water from ever drying up?’

On return, Tashi is honoured with the status of Lama because of his discipline and outstanding achievement of rigorous meditation. While Tashi and his fellow monks are happy with this, Tashi suddenly stars to feel a sexual surge in his body and cannot avoid stealthily noticing women in the day and inadvertent ‘bad’ dreams in the night. On the senior monks, Apu, realizes this but continues observing without saying anything. On the other hand, a junior monk is filled with grief and horror because of the sexual inclinations of his ideal.

On one of their trips to a village, Tashi accidently comes across a very beautiful lady, Pema. Pema sees the deep desire that Tashi is suppressing under his Lama-hood and decides to give him some comfort by just sleeping by him (Tashi takes it for a beautiful dream). On return, Tashi cannot forget Pema and cannot justify his celibacy. Apu tells him he should follow his own way and that what Tashi thought of as dream happened for real. And thus Tashi sets back to meet Pema – towards a material life. This change is beautifully dramatized by him entering a river as a Lama and coming out as a normal man and his dog Kalu declining to recognize his Master.

After some more drama, both get married. While sexual desire was his launching pad into material life, Tashi starts experiencing other aspects of life such as greed for money, enmity etc. While he and Pema continue to love each other heartily, they differ in their approach to life. Pema believes in natural living, living with resources in hand and in harmony with neighbours. Tashi on the other hand starts gets into profit maximizing (retrenchment) and modernizing with some exposure to the city life. He also starts falling prey to temptation of another woman.

After yet some more drama, he is suddenly on loss with his inability of coping up with the material life, guilt of infidelity and the bad news of Apu’s death, who writes in his last letter: “I know I am coming back to this world [i.e. not liberated yet] and I am sure I will meet you in my next life and then you can tell me what is more important –satisfying one thousand desires [material life] or conquering just one [liberation, which is also a desire]”.

*** Alert - spoiler begins***

Tashi suddenly has a ‘realization’ and he decides to leave his family material life with a heavy heart to go back conquest of his pursuit. He again enters the river and comes out in his Lama clothes – his dog is not there but the sound of his barking is there! One would think that the story would end here or would continue on the subject of liberation. And Lo – Pema is back. Seeing Tashi – bald, in his Lama clothes (which she had expected), she begins:

Quote
You know Yashodhara [Buddha’s wife]? Everyone knows Gautama, Buddha, Siddharatha, but how many people know Yashodhara … he left them when they were sleeping [like Tashi does] … Who can say if Buddha owed his Enlightenment to her? … How can we know if she fell victim to anger, bitterness and loneliness after Siddhartha left him … how could she answer the eternal question of their son Rahul, ‘Where is my father?’ … only a man can leave his child in the middle of the night … Tashi, if your thoughts towards Dharma were of the same intensity as the love and passion you have shown me, you could have got liberation in this very body, in this very life…
Unquote

Tashi asks for forgiveness to return to the house but Pema leaves him. With the whole drama happening in such a small time, he is heartbroken and cries like a child in the open sun. But once he has cried, he gets up, quiet and serene again [supposedly free of the heaviness – this chapter has passed]. Not knowing where to go, he finds the same stone there - ‘How can one prevent a drop of water from ever drying up?’ On the back it says – ‘By throwing it into the sea…’, which has at least two interpretations:
1. The only way peace is possible for man is by his merger with the absolute.
2. Man’s real place is in Samsara – the ocean of which he is a drop.

And then our lovely eagle comes. Totally blank, he watches up, closes his eyes, expecting a stone to take him out of his misery. But the eagle is gentle this time and the God not so benevolent – he has to continue with life, probably because he has more to learn. And that is THE END.

I guess the storytelling was very important for this blog to discuss some aspects.

First, man’s search for ultimate should be in the middle of the world. It is easier to meditate in Himalayas where there is no noise, no disturbance of any kind, no temptation – nothing. But to be able to meditate deeply in daily life is a quality. Additionally, as Master says and the as the movie rightly shows, there is a danger of the world hitting you hard if you are even accidentally exposed to it as all that which was suppressed in a quiet environment will come out in this mad environment.

Second, material life is indeed imperfect and difficult. While Pema is more stable and content, there are things that bother her too (though less). So happiness in total sense is probably impossible and the only way it is possible is when we don’t depend on external sources to keep us happy.

Third, a man has to fulfil his duties. I am not in a position to comment on what Buddha did but I understand that every action of ours has a purpose and a reaction (on both parties). Leaving one’s family or duties for some attainment in most cases may not be justified. On the other hand, if we are aware of both (purpose and reaction), a conscious decision can be taken even though it might hurt someone else. It might sound odd when I say this but I say this in light of the fact that good and bad are decided by the society we are living in and if something that is consciously good for a person, but bad for somebody else or according to the society, we cannot always judge in favour of the latter.

Last, but not the least, life has to continue till it is ‘completed’. To continue to walk is very important. Many a times, people don’t find ways just because they are too lazy to walk [pun intended] or because they are afraid. Here, I remember what Master says [and what Gurdjieff also says] – if you are not going up, you will come down. You cannot continue to stay at one point.

Leaving all the mind-full stuff aside, the movie’s direction [pointed and optimally dramatized with a stunning climax], background score [very natural, deep and soothing] and cinematography [full of nature and colours] are excellent and worth a lot of praise. At times it is slow but for a good reason and it always keeps you glued to the screen. For people interested in the subject, but also for people interested in a good movie, this would be a very good watch.

Nice trip

I met Praveen and Leila during my trip with Master to Satkhol (near Nainital). They live near Nice (pronounced as Niece) in France, where Shri Ram Chandra Mission has recently built its ashram. Before my return to India, I thought it might be nice to visit Nice, to see the Mediterranean and also visit the Nice ashram. I had to pay a heavy sum for the tickets, but as soon as I reached there, I realized it was more than that worth. Below, I will share some places and stuff I saw and readers will see that it is not the type of travelogue I write – in fact the trip was more about ‘in Nice’ than ‘about Nice’. Off late, I am also avoiding the tendency to click everything I see, because with a camera, most people indeed miss the forest for the tress. So, at places, pictures will be missed.

Thursday evening

The landing in Nice was the most beautiful landing ever. Water, very beautiful water, as can be seen in some pictures below, and chunks of land surrounded by water, created a very beautiful view just around dusk. There were many yachts ‘parked’ in the sea as well. Another peculiar observation from top was many (Olympic size?) swimming pools, most likely personal, with clear blue water.

Anurag, Praveen’s friend, landed ½ hr after me. Since it was already late evening, we drove back to Praveen’s apartment in Vallauris. In the after-dinner discussions, I discovered that Anurag is a big time book reader (he has just finished his PhD from University of Berkeley and is returning to India to be an Assistant Professor in IIT-Kanpur). Starting from discussions over the recent CERN LHC experiments, the topic changed into science and spirituality. Anurag made a very good clarification to me during this discussion.

I said that the difference in science and spirituality is that in science, there is a basis on which you build upon something, whereas spirituality is really like throwing your cord to an anchor that does not exist (difficult to explain, but basically in spirituality, you go without really knowing where you are going; you have to depend on something inside that is as perceptible as ether). Anurag said that the same is the case with science and while science proves things by practical measurements and so on, it is nevertheless based on axioms and a real scientist accepts that he does not know beyond a certain point and sometimes does things without really knowing what to expect. He added that most people believe in science and do not really know science, and that is quite correct. I would like to consider this as ‘belief on scientists’ intelligence’ than actually knowing science. Later, I drew a parallel between people who believe in God because they have been told so and between people who explore the existence of God. An analogy could clearly be drawn here between science and spirituality.

(Coincidentally, I started reading Code Name God by Mani Bhaumik in the flight and that deals very well with concepts of science vs. spirituality.)

I also discovered that Anurag’s reading style is very different (tending to unique). For him, he says, the books are his companions and not merely source of knowledge or entertainment. For him, books are tools for self and spiritual evolution. I still maintain that books can only take us to certain extent, but I also know from experience that without imparting the understanding, a book can impart/transmit its content if you are in the right receiving state. In this way, a book can also bring one to the level of the author’s evolution.

Friday

Coming back to the touristic part, Vallauris is a small town, well known for inhabiting Picasso. I am not sure but this might be the place where he developed his ceramic art. Next morning, in a sunny, clear sky, we spent more than 1.5 hrs in the Vallauris ceramic/porcelain market. Some of the shops actually have a small factory on the backside where they make these items. It is a very beautiful and colourful market and gives a taste of quiet, easygoing town life. Some items were pretty expensive but were piece produced and not mass produced. I bought a ceramic jug for gift and broke it in ½ hr.

Gives a flavour of the kind of shops in Vallauris market

I observed a unique scene that morning. They have a nice local market in Vallauris (equivalent to Sabji Mandi in India, a bit more spacious and cleaner). A guy selling Baguettes was tearing them in two parts (for selling) and dropping the crumbles on ground for pigeons to eat. He dropped the baguettes in a wooden box on the floor. Wonderful enough, there were 6-7 pigeons, all except one of a different feather colour/texture, and they ate the crumbles together but none went even closer to the wooden box to get a bite of the baguette (no one was looking!). Simple though, it was a nice example of harmony in the small village.

Baguettes and piegons; note that all pigeons are different

We (I/Praveen/Anurag) went to Theoule sur mer beach later around noon time. Travelling on the beach line was quite pleasant but observing the chemistry of Praveen and Anurag (old IIT-Roorkee friends, meeting after 6 years, geared back into the college mode) was more fascinating. We had a little sandwich picnic after which we spent some time in water. Although the beach was sandy (artificial), the seabed was usual rocky. Honestly, I never knew about this peculiar aspect of the Mediterranean before exploring about Nice. Another peculiarity of a rocky seabed is that it can go from, say 5 ft to 9 ft in one step and hence the likes of me who do not know swimming need to be very careful. Swimming wasn’t a good experience as seabed was sharp, rocks had a lot of algae on them and there were too many small fishes in the water. After swimming, we had a nice 1.5 hr trek along the beach. I fulfilled my hobby of pebble throwing but couldn’t pass my own record of 6 bounces.

Beautiful water; I also liked the idea of these floating platforms not far from beach

Theoule sur mer; I liked in particular the close-packed houses on the hills alongside the beach

Saturday

It was the nicest of the three days. It was another nice, sunny day to start with. We made a long drive to reach the The Valley of Marvel, but ended up somewhere else as we were not very clear about the route and later realized that this place was many hours drive further. Nevertheless, through winding roads, we reached a height of 1.5 km where we parked the car. Leila and Shriram (IIT hostel mate who was in Europe for a conference) also joined us on this day.

We started for a mountain trekking and found ourselves in a very natural, rather barren, but very peaceful area (‘‘tranquil-ion’’; the French would understand the joke!). We, and a few other ones, were the only disturbing elements in the whole place. The long hilly terrain was good for the legs and the atmosphere good for the lungs. While spending most time in the cities, we almost forget a better, more natural environment that still exists in places less touched by humans. The spiritual atmosphere of the place, I felt, was also good (closer to nature). Most people we found trekking there were old (50+).

I am not a big fan of barren places – I prefer lush-green and colourful places, but I really liked this one. The mountains had a beautiful stratigraphic pattern and that too varied from hill to hill. We found different small berries on the way (‘Blackberry’, red berries). We had a picnic after about 2 hr trekking, sitting on a rock, enjoying the view. By this time, it had become colder as the day was passing and we were at a higher altitude.

Beautiful rock patterns

Shriram (same old IIT fella with thicker glasses and a beard)

Anurag (returning to the country)

After picnic, we continued to trek up. We were looking for a lake at some high point in the hill. At one place on the top, it appeared that the lake had dried up, but when we continued to walk, we finally found a lake, albeit very shallow, surely dried up. But it was, again, very beautiful. In this shallow lake, I finally bettered my pebble throwing record by achieving 9-10 bounces! We also spotted some deer, although not of the normal breed.

Where there should have been a lake

Deer; alert from my-Shriram's loud talking

Finally a shallow, but beautiful lake; another beautiful rock (with a little illusory pattern)

We didn’t stay longer at the top as it was getting colder and we could see dark clouds drifting towards us. Coming down was much quicker and easier. The return journey to Vallauris was very tricky for me, given my car sickness in such roads. But we got to see very beautiful sunset (sunset without sun as we were still in the winding roads). Finally, we had excellent pizza for dinner (Nice, being close to Italy, serves very good Italian food).

Perfect ending for the day

Sunday

Sunday began with visit to the Nice ashram. The ashram is really beautiful (I like places with predominant white paint) but it also came as a surprise because it is located quite in the centre of Nice, it is quite spacious and even more, it has been constructed from scratch by Nice/French abhyasis (this is the normal course for ashrams in India but in Europe, most ashrams are parts of a building, bought almost readymade). After the satsangh and a video show, I and Shriram left to see Nice (finally).

Nice ashram meditation hall

We spent some time looking in the local market and were looted for a colourful equivalent of petha (actually fruits soaked in sugar syrup for hours and dried). The lunch wasn’t a very good experience as we were served by a very arrogant guy.

Later we went to the Nice beach. While the seabed was still stony, round pebbles were laid down on the beach to make a comfortable sitting/lying. In fact, it was not very uncomfortable compared to a sand beach. However, the water was forceful and after spending a few minutes, we lost energy and enthusiasm to spend time in water. I had another peculiar experience –while I was taking the final shower, I saw small rainbows forming in/between the droplets of water – obviously real, but very beautiful and rare.

Central beach in Nice (beauiful but unfortunately strong waves)

Later, we went to the Collin du Chateau, which is quite famous for its panoramic view of the city (very nice view of the beach, the buildings alongside and a small harbour), its garden (nothing great) and for its antiquity.

View of Nice old city from the Chateau

Overall…

 Nice was a very good experience … in fact I didn’t see much of Nice and I hardly toured it as I tour other places (running and trying to see every famous spot). I did not see Monaco or Cannes, which are very famous for their own good reasons, but not of liking of most of us. Most of the time we spent was in places close to nature and I also fulfilled the wish to see the Nice ashram.

There were many small things that won my heart, most of which I have mentioned above.  However, without the company, accommodation facility and hospitality of Praveen and Leila, it could not have been as homely as I felt in Nice. Both of them lost quite some sleep and order with three guys in their apartment. Additionally, the spiritual atmosphere of their apartment was also good and I felt it in all my meditation sittings in their house. 

Tired hosts, still managing a smile!

His Dark Materials

His Dark Materials is a trilogy of the following three novels by Philip Pullman:
1. Northern Lights (aka The Golden Compass)
2. The Subtle Knife
3. The Amber Spyglass

I will try to give details while being careful not to put in any spoilers.

His Dark Materials is a fantasy with the Christian history and philosophy in its background. The story considers aspects such as creation, temptation, God (referred to as Authority for specific reason), Church (its roles and actions), angels, heaven, body/spirit/soul etc. The story is more or less a critic of the traditional views of these ideas except for the one of body/spirit/soul.

The central characters in the story are two kids: Lyra Belacqua and Will Parry. There is a prophecy about Lyra that she will change the destiny of the world if things fall in place and if she is unaware of what she will do till she does it. The story takes place in several worlds.

THE BOOKS
Pullman does not appear to be a great writer in terms of his literary skills. Compare His Dark Materials with Gone with the Wind and the former will end up deep down an abyss. The style is very simple and it does not create any enigma, which, for instance, Midnight’s Children creates. Which brings us to the conclusion that there must be something about His Dark Materials that I am writing such a big blog and that all these books have turned out to be the bestsellers. I think that something is the story itself and the storytelling ability of Pullman, the ability to create vivid characters, the sense of disclosing a secret or pulling a turn at the right time and finally the ability to play the fine cords of human emotions.

Northern Lights
Northern Lights is based in a world different from ours, where every human being has a demon of its own. The demon is an animal of sex opposite to the human being it belongs to (generally). The demon does not refer to a devil or so; in fact, it is the soul of the human being, but present outside and it can talk as well.

In fact, these ideas, first seen in the movie The Golden Compass, aroused my interest in these books. Lyra gets an alethiometer – a truth teller, which Lyra uses throughout the story. Other important characters are Mrs. Coulter (works for the Church) and Lord Asriel (aims to end the Authority). On a side note, these are played by Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig and in my opinion, no better actors could have been found for both roles.

Two salient features of Northern Lights are:
1. Lyra is always present in the scene, so basically the story goes where she goes. This is the first time I am reading a book where one character is always present. The trend does not continue in The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass. Lyra has a persistent character, she can do all for people she loves and she can lie very well (Lyra and Liar sound quite common, as is outlined in The Amber Spyglass).
2. The aspects of relationship between a human and its demon are revealed slowly in the novel through various events and that is very beautiful. Some such aspects are: human being and his/her demon generally cannot go very far from each other; it is blasphemy of highest order for a human to touch other’s demon or vice-versa etc. Novelists tend to explain many aspects of certain thing or person or relationship as soon as they introduce it but Pullman does it during an ongoing act/scene and as such, intensifies the effect and creates a mark in our memory that we do not forget it.

Northern Lights is very fascinating in terms of the above and also for the superhuman characters which it introduces – bear kings and witches. Northern Lights also made me feel that I should actually go and see Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis) some day in my life – the description is just too good.

The novel's end is truly spellbinding beyond expectations or thought and this is one thing I would never understand about the movie The Golden Compass, where they end at ~ 80% of the Northern Lights story and do not show its end at all. The end is really apt as it makes entry into other worlds and thus makes a case for the next book – The Subtle Knife.

The Subtle Knife
The Subtle Knife goes around in three worlds, in a world which is same as ours, in Lyra’s world and in a world different from ours and Lyra’s. The Subtle Knife is smaller than Northern Lights and lacks the charm of concepts that Northern Lights has, but it is really a great foundation for the last book of the trilogy. The book introduces other characters: spectres, angels and shaman (a man who has high level powers of the spirit). Will Parry is introduced and shown as a character with unsurpassable ferocity, though he is only 12 years old or so. He comes from a world like ours. Will and Lyra meet in the third world and become friends and helpers of each other. Mary Malone (the serpent/tempter) is also an important character introduced.

The Amber Spyglass
The Amber Spyglass is really a great culmination for the trilogy. It is also the thickest book of the three and it made me realize that the depth of the story, the characters and their handling are much beyond and better than the famous Potter “heptology”.

The Amber Spyglass introduces other characters - the Gallivespians (the spies), the mulefa (diamond-legged creatures running on wheels) and the dead! All characters from all the three books come together and that makes the novel very intense and action-packed. The novel also introduces the Authority and his regent Metatron, however, the novel’s dealing with these two characters is almost sarcastic. Although the book is about war with the Authority, there is more of human emotion than action and that makes it special. In fact, the war only goes for about 1-2 chapters out of 38 and Pullman does not care enough to discuss the results, although that is obvious! I think that except for 2-3 small things, the novel captures all questions or secrets built up during the course of the story. The only dark spot in the moon is the story that runs in mulefa’s world, which I think could have been swifter.

The novel’s end is very sad and heart-wrenching, which makes it so special again. The end could have been a feel-good end for all, but that would have hardly had any impact compared to its actual end. The end also considers that universal good is more important than personal good.

THE SUBJECT
There is no denying that another reason why the trilogy attracted my attention was its dealing with theological and metaphysical aspects, which it introduces as Dust:

1. Dust connects all the worlds and universes and is shown as golden particles that fill all the space.
2. Dust is what makes us human.
3. Dust is produced and enhanced by human creativity and consciousness (if this is true, readers would [should] find some Dust around this blog!).
4. Dust affects a human through his/her demon.
5. Dust is something which the Church wants to destroy and the more rational beings want to preserve.

Another crucial feature is that Dust does not fall on kids as it does on adults. The books deal further with this aspect and discuss innocence of children vs. maturity of adults, flipping demons of kids vs. stable demons of adults and why Spectres attack adults but not children.

His Dark Materials indicates that something happened 30,000 years ago when human consciousness took a turn and led to Dust. I am not sure if it refers to the temptation of the Eve. The novel also indicates that something happened 300 years ago – creation of the alethiometer and the subtle knife, origin of the Spectres and so on.

The dealing of this subject was a little disappointment to me. I expected a more realistic approach towards the subject and its aspects, but the novel ended up creating a (very beautifully crafted) fictional web around the subject and dealing it from a pure Christianity point of view. I would not blame Pullman as his knowledge or appreciation or acceptance of other religions or theories may not be of the level of Christianity.

My understanding of the novel’s conclusion is that matter is the most important (though soul and spirit too exist), that the Authority is powerful but not the ultimate creator (and there is not Authority) and that this life is the only life to deal with. The fiction deals well to arrive at these conclusions but two things which I think Pullman has been unable to justify are:
1. Acceptance of certain ideas of Christianity such as body/spirit/soul, angels etc. but denial of others such as heaven, temptation etc. purely based on the story’s requirements.
2. How many things happened simultaneously 300 years ago in many worlds to bring the prophecy true, if there were no God behind it?

OVERALL
The books overall have been a very good read and despite my disappointment with dealing of the subject of Dust, the story and the flow are very captivating, the characters very strong and vivid and the fantasy very novel. The handling of many worlds has also been very fine and artful.

Like Gone with the Wind, where I think that Rhett Butler (male protagonist) was stronger than Scarlett O’Hara (female protagonist), whereas the novel was about the latter, I would consider that the portrayal of Will Parry is stronger than Lyra Belacqua, although I am sure Philip Pullman would disagree.

Many cheers to him though for writing such a fantasy. Overall, I would rank the novel as my top 3rd or 4th.

PS: I would like to end with my favourite from the novel:

"Well, where is God, if he is alive? And why doesn't he speak anymore? At the beginning of the world, God walked in the garden and spoke with Adam and Eve. Then he began to withdraw, and Moses only heard his voice. Later, in time of Daniel, he was aged - he ws the Ancient of Days. Where is he now? Is he still alive, at some inconceivable age, decreipt and demented, unable to think or act or speak and unable to die, a rotten hulk? And if that is his condition, wouldn't it be the most merciful thing, the truest proof of our love for God, to seek him out and give him the gift of death?"

Not that I support it.

Requiem for a Dream

A book by Hubert Selby Jr. and a movie based on the novel by Darren Aronofsky

Requiem means ‘a mass for the dead’. I could not understand the name in the first instant. I had heard a lot about the movie, but later found that it is a novel too. I decided to read the novel before watching the movie. I was also warned that this is probably the most depressing movie ever!

The novel turned out to be a real depressive. It is based on 4 people - a woman, her son, his friend and girlfriend – their baseless dreams, how they stick to their dreams, not realizing and even failing to recognize the lives these dreams push them into. Most of the story runs around drugs, addiction, hallucination and the overall resulting foolishness. The first half is easy to read although you see build-up for a depressive second half. The second half is killing depressive. You read and re-read the depressive happenings in their lives and towards the end, the worst extreme one’s life can go into. And you just wish that this soon ends.

When I started reading the second half, I knew I had to finish it in a go because I could not take the sadness into installments. When I watched the movie, it turned out to be a cakewalk compared to the novel. Or the way someone commented on me, “Now I know the extent of your gross imaginations!”

But jokes apart, the movie is fast and the way it is directed, it does not make life of the viewer that hard, whereas in the novel, Selby really scratches into the (defunct) thought processes and inner feelings of the individuals and that is really difficult to accommodate to. In fact, I wondered at a certain stage if these things can really happen in an addict’s life or this is mere exaggeration. Not that I can tell now, but I think it is possible.

Another reason the novel was very hard on me was because it reflected me in its characters and that tore me apart. Not that I take drugs or have hallucinations, but on a more general level, I too take life for granted to a certain extent, take certain things lightly than what they deserve and procrastinate the probable essentials, expecting that future will provide me sufficient opportunity to deal with the priorities. I may not end up into an end as deteriorated as these characters’ but that does not mean we should not strive to live our priorities. I prefer not to dig into examples as that would be difficult to explain, but I feel that I am no exception and this applies to most of us at one or other level.

The novel was quick read but had difficult slang usage at places. Further, the novel is written in big paragraphs, very unusual to my knowledge, with many characters talking in one paragraph and the reader is left to decipher who is speaking what from context, style etc. The novel is not great from a writing point of view; it is the content which is the heart of the novel.

The movie’s direction and colors are very good. The movie’s OST is probably one of the best I have heard and the theme songs (Summer Overture/Meltdown/Lux Aeterna) are too good with a fabulous use of electrical instruments. Two scenes of deterioration in the end are very well shot and are the only parts better elaborated than the novel.

Ellen Burstyn’s lead performance is one of the best female performances I have yet seen – it seems that she has a tremendous control over her face movements; so much that it seems she can move any muscle she likes and keep the rest at rest. Found Jennifer Connelly to be very beautiful and her acting is also very good. The guys in the movie are OK.

Overall, I would count Requiem for a Dream as a good novel and movie and despite its depressive character, I would recommend people with some heart to read/watch it.

Living life

Like people hardly remember God when life is going good, my blogs hardly come when times are good. And that is ought to be because in that state, mind is not looking for answers to questions that otherwise pop up and create a stir in the stable life.

I have been living a life of quite some discipline in the past 3-4 years and spirituality has been the prime driver for that. Having a disciplined spiritual life brings about discipline in other aspects of life as well, which in my opinion are physical and mental. Physical discipline is achieved as daily routine is more easily established, the food intake is healthy, sleep is sufficient and deep and breathing becomes more normal. More importantly, mental discipline is established as mind does not wander off too much, ambitious tendencies get limited and turn into aspirations, there is satisfaction with things at disposal and mind is balanced and focused on the most important thing.

Not that the above have been permanent features of my life of the past 3-4 years, but I have seen them happen to me sufficiently, these features established for different lengths broken by spells of a lesser degree of balance. As it would not be difficult to interpret, the thoughtful present period is one where the balance is not fully established; there are strong waves in the ocean. I again observe that the driver behind physical and mental imbalance is some sort of spiritual imbalance. Why that imbalance comes into picture is another story in itself.

It has been my regular observation that it is very easy, almost natural for us to fall back or into old, bad patterns. I know good and bad can be qualitative and subjective, so I will try to give some examples below which may indicate my good and bad:

1. Sleeping late for various reasons, most of which are avoidable. Bad because I would like to get up early in morning for my meditation and may be a fresh walk. But be it internet surfing, excuse of replying to emails or just watching a movie, I can always find an excuse to stay wake till late.
2. Greedy shopping, as I have done in the past few days in the cheapest place in the world (US). In fact, one of my colleagues was doing the same in the first week as he was to return two weeks earlier than me and since he is not a friend, I had to control myself giving him some geeta-pravachan (about not being too greedy and not falling prey to desires etc.). Come my last week and I am no different.
3. Eating - eating more when the food is tasty and eating even more when it is more tasty. Very few people eat as much as should be eaten.
4. Becoming ambitious with regards to my work, sometimes working too hard, thinking that I can still balance my life despite a long working day, thinking that I won't work overtime tomorrow, thinking that I can work like this all my life without even losing an inch of balance.

Now these are just a few examples and the list can be even longer. I am not feeling guilty about them. But it surely makes me think that many of these patterns often repeat themselves. When they do and imbalance comes into picture, I feel that I got across a stumbling stone, that I have got some harsh experience and I got wiser in the process and will behave better in the future. Does not work out in many cases. Why? Patterns repeat themselves because as I said earlier, it is always easy to fall back or into bad patterns.

What I would really like to do is to get free of them. Why patterns repeat and how to get free of them is another epic in itself. In Sahaj Marg system, patterns are explained in terms of effect of past samskaras (impressions left on us by past thoughts and actions) and the solution is practice of cleaning these impressions. I vaguely remember my mama once telling me that Gurdjieff has explained this in terms of bridging 2 points in evolutionary ladder by help of a source higher than oneself and which otherwise are always disconnected, sending one back to square 1. The Hindu philosophy of reincarnation till liberation is another way of looking into it.

All I am trying to say it is that when patterns repeat and wisdom re-dawns on us a nth time, we should become careful. Actually the sad part is that many people:

1. Either do not observe it at all
2. Or think that falling back into these patterns is natural and a way of life
3. Or think that they will do something about it later
4. Or just give up on these after certain attempts

I was talking with a very good friend the other day and found that something similar to ambitious work orientation has resulted in a quite bad health patch in his life. And I bewared him again of repeating patterns, as I have observed myself in his case. Now he knows that he is in trouble and wants to do something about it but does not want to give up on his working habits because like always, it is an important time in his working career.

I am many a times challenged for my ways of thinking and living by asking me why one should attempt to do something or achieve something when the natural reactions tell otherwise (is natural reaction not an oxymoron in itself?). Take examples of late night out, eyeing other women despite being committed, ambitious work practices, lust of money, jealousy of others' luck - all is natural. Why to make effort to change?

Perfect argument and it surely challenges me. Especially because if I try to do things in a certain way that do not happen naturally, I am indeed pushing it - mentally or psychologically. In that way, it may be a gap in my psyche or my understanding that I am pushing it in a certain way instead of having it have its natural way.

I have been studying solid state chemistry and movement of atoms within a lattice for the last 2 days. One of the pet statements of our instructor is - Mother Nature always want to go into a state of lower energy. Would I try an anti-gravitational field so that my chair stays in the air instead of on the floor? Surely not. Or would I not eat even when I am dead hungry, just to practise fast? Surely not. Why then to control or regulate other natural occurrences or instincts?

Good question. I do not know an absolute answer to it, but I surely know that one surely feels wise when a bad patch has passed or has been overcome. And one decides to deal better with life in future. I remember this guy from the movie Euro Trip - every time he wakes up in morning after a night full of drinking, he says that he would not drink again. And of course, he does, falling back into patterns.

Brian L Weiss, the author of Many Lives, Many Masters summarizes it beautifully (albeit intellectually too) - "The experience is necessary to add emotional belief to intellectual understanding. But the impact of experience always fades to some degree."

I also think that there is a difference between atom and human beings; human beings have been successful in using atoms to make atom bombs, but atoms have never been reported to use human beings. If we were only an aggregate of atoms, we would behave similar to atoms in a metal or a liquid or a gas; we are a mixture of all physically, are we not? Thus something non-atomic, non-material is there in the picture, which drives us to think, makes us feel wiser, drives us to sometime go unnatural to break patterns.

It may be my mind, my soul, both or something else. But something is surely out there and that creates a difference. That also makes us special, but that also makes us responsible. Atoms do not complain on being stretched or compressed or heated or quenched, but we surely would - in ALL cases! And here, I think, one of the precepts of Christ proves to be important, germane to our existence - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

And well, as for using our wisdom for a better tomorrow, another saying (Christ's as well?) that applies is - "Charity begins at home". I hope charity will begin in each home.

Raincoat

I am quite a laggard when it comes to movies. Raincoat was released in 2004 and I watched it for the first time last night. As such, this doesn't deserve a big blog since most people would have seen it already.

However, for those who have not, I must mention that this a rare drama produced by Rituparno Ghosh. The inspiration is a famous English story but the drama, I feel, transcends the great story itself. The story is about 2 old lovers - Ajay Devgan (Mannu) and Aishwarya Rai (Neeru). Neeru gets married to someone else and after 6 years, Mannu comes to Calcutta. He goes to Neeru's house to pay a 10-minute visit, to end up in a spectacular drama, that is so unlike of Bollywood.

In terms of the pace, sometimes, I felt this is like Life is Beautiful - things happen at a certain, slow pace but one doesn't really understand why. At times, I was so frustrated because of the way Mannu and Neeru continue to behave the way they staretd and it gets more and more dull. But it is the end which fits the whole drama in hindsight. Unlike Life is Beautiful, the last scene has been left to viewer's interpretation, but the end in itself is very moving and fills you with a deep feeling of bonding and wonder.

Although the movie is centred around Mannu and Neeru, there are 2 excellent cameo roles by Mouli Ganguly and Annu Kapoor. The drama is centred around Mannu and Neeru, but I think that the most spontaneous and revealing exchanges of the movie are between Mannu and Mouli Ganguly. Aishwarya has given a outstanding performance, especially given her anti-doll get-up and role. Ajay Devgan is sometimes lost for expressions but the story covers for that. I think SRK or Aamir Khan would have done more justice to the role though.

I would strongly recommend it to everyone who wants to watch a quality movie and has a little patience for the story to end.

PS: And by the way, the name sounds very funny, but it is a very apt choice for the movie.

Normal, are you?

If someone would ask this question to people who know me a little more, most of them would say, a little reluctantly, a little unsure - “Yaar kuchh to alag sochata aur karta hai, normal to nahin hai” (He is a little different, he is not normal). If you ask me the same question, I would say, “Surely not”.

What about normalcy? This morning, when I was meditating, suddenly this thought came to me that normalcy doesn’t have to do with the word ‘normal’ as we use it in equivalence with the word natural (for example, it is normal to take wine for your host when invited for dinner or as Christiaan told me yesterday, it is normal not to open the same wine for dinner) but it is rather to do with a derivative of the word, used in statistical or economic context – normalize, which means dividing an array of numbers by their mean or scale up or down quantity or price of a thing to set it to 1.

The etymology of normal leads to ‘norm’ and in one instant that makes it different from the word natural. In this context, it would be ideal to quote the following definition of normalization from sociological point of view:

Normalization is a process whereby behaviours and ideas are made to seem normal" through repetition, or through ideology, propaganda, etc., often to the point where they appear natural and taken for granted.

Thinking of human behaviour and tendencies and pondering over them in light of ‘natural’ normal or sociological normalization, all would agree that what is done by most people or what most would instinctively do is normal. For example, even married or committed men don’t shy and rather come bold in arguing that flirting with or eyeing other women is normal.

For babus (clerks), bribery is normal. For babus of the west, not taking bribe might be normal. For people in India, working overtime is normal. For people, at least in Netherlands, not staying in office after 5 pm is normal. Always wanting more money and power, always appearing good and talking sweet, patriotism, being crazy about one’s girlfriend or boyfriend, sympathizing with sorrow of others (and hardly empathizing) and so many things are normal. Forgetting god in good times and remembering in bad times (and boldly or sheepishly blaming him too) is also normal.

In the light of above arguments, normalcy in first context (‘natural’ normal) is union of items, which are socially acceptable (norms!) and instinctively human. What about normalcy in context of the meanings statistically or economically normalized have?

Take for example 10 people, with asset holding in proportion of 1 to 10 (i.e. 1, 2 …, 9, 10). What would be the normalized asset holding. Too simplistic I know, but well to start with. I would quote the principle of communism that my father told one very ardent communist once:

Communism means working according to capacity and payment according to need.

What about the everlasting quench for money and power. I don’t want any? Doesn’t help, can’t live. I want all. Surely you are in mess. Normal, in this case, would be something, which is good enough and sufficient for my needs.

To talk about behavior, I must admit openly that I am tired of western politeness. Saying things even when most of the times you don’t feel them. What is normal? Of course there are times when I feel thankful of people, of God and I should convey it. Or at least feel the gratitude. To say it mechanically every time – sorry!

To talk about politeness – being nice even when you feel like shouting at someone. Is that normal? I remember a very good incident when we went for a full Sunday satsangh (group meditation) program to Brussels and we had one of our European center-in-charge there. He was in a little rough mood today and somebody asked him why is he in such a rough mood when he has come for such an event. He replied curtly, something like, “I am not expected to be nice all the time”.

I have brought myself to stalemate because all my reasons are indicating that normalcy has to do with being natural. Anywhere you feel a stretch from natural while doing something – there must be some deviation from natural.

But mind you, being natural is not being instinctive which most of us take to be natural or normal. For most of us, instinct is a product of processed information and experiences. Bad pizza at New York Pizza and there is an instinct the next time. Friend says Switzerland is heaven on earth and there is an instinct.

So our instincts don’t only determine our future actions but also our response. On the other hand, natural behaviour is a product of nature with nothing in background.

I am sure life would be more simple and happy in the normal I see. My experience of this ongoing transformation is that the spaghetti in the brain dissolves and you feel a relief you can’t imagine. Hopefully the dissolved spaghetti would evaporate one day with nothing left.

I am sure readers would find arguments and exceptions to my reasons and I would be the most happy to learn about them (when Richard Bach can find loopholes in Christ’s saying, my arguments are hardly at stake).

To end with, I would quote Richard Bach from Illusions; I think he hints a way back to real normalcy:

In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.