Liability

I bought a new t-shirt from Mumbai during my 2-days stay there. It is a little expensive but it is probably the best t-shirt I ever bought. I also got a blue Lee jeans, which is not-bad-at-all and again expensive.

I came home Banswara a week back. I found a black jeans – a little old, a little shabby and to my greatest amazement - still fitting! I also found a dhinchak Govinda-style shirt, which looks more of a post-holi shirt except for the fact that it is not torn.

Now it is raining all over from Mumbai to Banswara. When it is raining, one always avoids new clothes and so did I. However, situations sometime demand smartness from you and good clothes are inevitable under such circumstances.

No more bullshitting around the bush and coming to the point – I saw that the attention these new clothes demand (from normal human beings) to avoid rainwater or fountain-splashes from automobiles or any other foreign particles in immense. On the other hand, I don’t care a damn if my old jeans is sweeping dirty water or humbly accepting any splashes.

And that’s when I thought of liability. One of the definitions I got for liability is “troublesome responsibility”.

Like the great Dilbert, to puff up my already big ego, I’ll try to conjure laws on liability after my own name. Since Kumar appears more often than Dosi in the history of mankind, I prefer to use my last name for these laws. I also don’t fear any rebukes or exceptions on these laws because even the great Newton and other scientists suffered exceptions and contradictions to their laws and theories.

Here comes the first of Dosi’s three laws of liability.

Dosi’s fist law of liability states that the liability of any possession is proportional to nth power of its subjective value or price, where n is greater than or equal to 1. The words possession and subjective are of great significance.

Please allow me to go a little off-track before coming back to liability. I was browsing through a book “Mein mrityu sikhaata hoon” from Osho this morning when I came across the concept of 2 types of dhyan. Osho says that the first type of dhyan is concentration when you are focused on one point or one object and everything else is in dark. The second type of dhyan is awareness, which is objectless or unfocussed. Instead of prakash on one point and darkness elsewhere, as in concentration, awareness is about aabhaa (very little widespread light which is present between end of night and rise of the sun).

I don’t think I went off-track at all. Liability, I think, is more about concentration than value. Anything that demands more concentration from you than normal is a liability. Expecting to be drip-less and splash-less, when coming out of heavy rains, is a liability. Trying to looks smarter than what you are is a liability. Producing extraordinary results at workplace can become a liability.

Dosi’s second law of liability states that the liability of anything is directly related to the concentration it is given. This is, in fact, a refinement to the first law because it expands beyond things and possessions into the non-material arena. Concentration well covers up for subjectivity.

What is this possession and what is this subjectivity? Possession is simply what is mine. I know my friends will laugh off (or will they not?) on my childish attitude if I talk about a stain on an expensive t-shirt and I’ll just wait for their turn because they’ll also cry about it when the possess it. Subjectivity goes beyond possession because the reaction and its extent are very individual and time-dependent. If I have a greater liability, I’ll probably ignore or just laugh off on a smaller liability.

With my third and final law, I want to get rid off factors like possession and subjectivity. I mean there should be a bigger umbrella encompassing all these human trivialities. In fact, my idea is also to get rid off liabilities – who wants troublesome responsibilities? When I thought of it, the only thing that came to my mind was being natural.

Taking the example of expensive jeans and splashing of dirty water on it, buying an expensive brand can be a liability in the first place because a similar cloth and jeans-wash can be found at a lower price if brand is not essential. Brand is a big liability these days. Worrying about it getting dirty may be a liability because it may be easily cleaned off in the next wash. If we expect it to get dirty beyond surf excel wash, we shouldn’t wear it or at least fold it, but looking good can be a liability. If we have enough money to buy a new one, worrying about it is definitely a liability.

Dosi’s third law of liability states that anything that is unnatural is a liability.

Being possessive about friends and girlfriend can be a liability. Earning more money than required can be a liability. Smiling on outside, when from inside, you just want to kick @$$ of the person in front of you can be a liability. Keeping your blog updated can be a liability.

One of my friends showed some concern on reading my last blog. One line of his response was - your detachment and indifference attitude sometimes bothers me. I’ll quote Babuji Maharaj (Role of abhyasi in Sahaj Marg) here, and this again, in an off-track way, is related to liability.

He says: Renunciation truly means non-attachment with worldly objects and not the non-possession of things.

Disclaimer: Life can't be relieved of liabilities. But I think that liabilities can be minimized by simple and natural living.

Rafta Rafta

Life at home was ever the same but it is very different this time. People who know me well know had kept me, my mind and my time most occupied during all my previous visits/stays and it is no wonder that the life is different. The effects, however, are more far-fetched than what people predicted and what I could imagine.

Days have been silently busy. Time is passing swiftly in talking with family, meeting a few people, doing small jobs at home, reading books (someone’s eyebrows are raised?) and of course my spiritual sadhna.

To be very frank and also a little offending, I am not missing the part, which people deemed very essential to the swift flow of my time and life in this small town. In fact, life seems completely changed, partially by the absence of the “essential”, but more so because of a change of potential, which I am feeling very clearly and which is also giving me a very clear direction.

This change of potential, again, is not the difference between the presence and absence of the “essential”, but rather, the difference in life in Amsterdam and Banswara. Pardon my strange comparison, but to me, Amsterdam and Banswara wouldn’t make a big difference, but for my state of mind – whether it is totally busy with thoughts of doing things which it has to do to satisfy certain worldly requirements of office or home or it is free to linger where it wants or where it thinks it should.

2 days back, my father told me a very beautiful definition of work. It gives a better feel in Hindi: Jo karna pade, woh kaam hai! Playing cricket, for example, is something that can naturally come to a child, and hence for him, it is no work. Accountancy is something that naturally comes to my father and he enjoys it very much and hence for him, it is play. He struggles when he has to learn new things about computer and that, for him, is work.

This exactly, is the difference in my condition here at home and back in Amsterdam. I don’t deny the fact that we have to work and that play alone can’t occupy life forever. The real challenge is to convert every work to play (and also every play to work!) and I’ll work on it when I return to Amsterdam.

I must also point that with all the play and easy stress-hassle-free life, I am not being lazy at home. Rather, it is totally opposite. My mind and body feel more ready to jump on any task than ever.

Another extremely important feature of my stay this time is the stillness is heart. There are very few friends (or none?) around and more so, there are not many people whom I wish to meet. I like conversations which are novel in nature, whereas most people whom I meet stumble after asking a few basic questions: Aur kaisa hai? Sab badhiya? Kaam kaisa chal raha hai wahaan? Kahaan, Holland mein hi hai naa? Waapas aana hai ya wahin settle hona hai? 1 Euro mein kitne rupaiyee hote hain?

I hardly get people with whom I can have novel conversations and still, I hardly feel alone! My thoughts, my spiritual practice, my family and the books look sufficient. I would like to talk with a few friends, but I am not dying without them.

Another yet remarkable feature of my time here is the clarity in thought process. Most of the times, mind is never fully certain about thoughts and actions but this time, things are unfolding so smoothly and it feels really good. I also strongly feel that some knots (used metaphorically, not the spiritual knots!) inside are loosening and I am able to see reality of things more freely.

This clarity in thought process and novel thoughts are also motivating me to write those thoughts in the blog. I’ll try to word my thoughts and express them here as much as I can. There are 2-3 more interesting ideas for photos-dominated blog but my poor old computer doesn’t have a slot for my camera’s SD card.

I am also going around very freely this time. I got liberated from my mobile. I am hardly carrying it since it is on international roaming and I hardly expect any calls. I don’t expect to get many calls on my temporary national number and I wouldn’t mind missing calls, quite unlike the past. My watch was lost in Pune. Most of the times, my wallet is not with me and if I anticipate to spend some money on the way, I just take that rather than carrying the whole lump.

I know I’ll not have the above luxury back in Amsterdam. But what I feel more strongly is that instead of the physical feeling of wallet or mobile, their effects on mind grip my attention much more. A feeling of loss and a feeling of missing any calls or messages is always associated with wallet and mobile, respectively. And in such instances, it is possible to free oneself of the hold if attention is drawn away in a proper manner.

It rained heavily in Banswara today and I went out and got wet and enjoyed the rains after so many years. We loose loads of things when we become adult and this is one small bit.

I am reminded of the song Scientist by Coldplay. As a whole, I really think I am going back to the start. I am very happy.