Running on the invisible trails

After last 7 days of travelling and incessant (and mostly unnecessary) marriage shopping and sweets-and-spice-profused Indian food, I finally got an opportunity to run this morning. I started late at 7:20 but it was fine because of the mild winter and a late and lazy sun. I started from our college ground and targetted to run for about an hour.

While my intention was to run straight on the main road (going to Dungarpur), I found a side trail seemingly going to some huts. With some apprehension of dogs and unknown territory, I decided to take it and found myself on soft grounds, huts and a cool village within the town, which I had never seen before. I had been on this road many a times, but always in the school bus or on my bike. This finding was quite surprising and soothing, although 500-700 m inside, I found the city dwellers encroaching upon the last remains of farmland in the town.

I came out on the main road and continue looking for such side trails. After another short trail, I finally found a long one - at least going 1.5-2 km and all soft road. Passing by the villagers in the morning is nice - I shouted 'hari aum' to the old ones and waved hands to the young and the kids who looked curious or gave a smile. There were full range of reactions from unimpressed or unaffected to curious, smiling and surprised fellas. The most impressive sight was seeing an old man, likely in late 50's or even in 60's, limping on a foot, yet walking as straight as humanly possible, and carrying a plough on his left shoulder.

Needless to say, I also mentally noted people and places that would be very good photographic subjects - many small stone idols below a tree, trees cut out for firewood (my guess), farms and small lakes, a man with super-athletic body (definitely a hard-working farmer or labourer) taking a batch in a canal and finally kids of all types. I refreshed myself with water from a hand pump.

Before turning back, I ran up to my alma mater - New Look Senior Secondary School. I had heard lots about school building made bigger and grander, but somehow I couldn't catch the same impression when I saw it. It looked almost the same as I left it 11 years ago! May be the interior or facilities have changed - I need to go and see it and also motivate kids about playing more sports and taking less stress in their formative years of life.

The run back to the college ground was slightly heavy on my legs - especially on my ankles and achilee tendons, but the breeze and the sun made up for it. Dedicating this short run to Robert Frost for inspiring to take "The Road Not Taken" and to Vinayshankar Kulkarni and Caballo Blanco for inspiring to take the trails.

Racists

I found Racists by Kunal Basu first at a bookshop in Bangalore and was immediately intrigued by the subject. However, given my have-many-books-but-not-read-yet-guilt, I ordered it years later at Stack your Rack (new online books store in India).

The plot of Racists is set up in 1870s and revolves around two scientists, who have different ideas regarding racial differences and the fundamental reason behind these differences, i.e. the alleged superiority of the white over the black. Samuel Bates, the English scientist, believes that all races originate to Adam, and it is only the craniological differences (skull shape and size) that makes white superior to black. Jean-Louis Belavoix, the French scientist, believes that these races are different, and given equal opportunity to grow, they will grow equals. Bates is the real laboratory scientist type, stressing on measurements. Belavoix is the observer type.

To resolve the differences for good, they decide on an experiment – have a black boy and white girl brought up on an island far from civilization, let them grow naturally in the natural environs of the island without any instruction, education and even speech, monitor regularly by visits and specific tests, and make a decision at the end of 12 years, about time when the children reach puberty. Bates is confident that the white girl will emerge the winner due to bigger skull size and finer bone angles, whereas Belavoix predicts doom that because they will grow equals, one will end up killing the other.

To facilitate the experiment, they have a mute nurse, Norah, to take care of minimum physical needs of the children at the island, and Bates’ assistant, Nicholas Quarterly, to make arrangements and take records.

Isn’t it intriguing and very interesting? I thought it was, primarily supposing that Belavoix’s idea of equality will win in the end and I was all fascinated to find out the proceedings towards this conclusion.

I wouldn’t tell much about the story, except that the book isn’t all about the ‘competition’ of the races. There is rivalry of the scientists, which itself speaks of the differences Europeans had, and still have despite the European Union and what not. The rivalry is big enough to consider the children as mere experimental subjects and have no compassion for their present of future. Then there are the hardworking poor – Norah and Quarterly, who are more humane and sensible in their outlook towards the whole experiment. There are the financiers, who are all about results, fast delivery and their own racial prejudices. And last but not the least, the children themselves, fully natural and ‘savage’ in their own outlook and actions.

The best part of the novel is the growth of the children and their relationships with each other, with the natural environment and mute visitors around them. Both grow naturally in different capacities, which has to do with sexual and racial differences. Their plays with the nature – birds, rain, sea, rocks, earthworms etc. is full of life and their instruction-less-savage-yet-human-in-many-ways-nature sounds very realistic for the circumstances.

There are many unexpected turns (the best one a very historical event that shoots the experiment tangentially towards the end) and after some thinking, I found that focusing the whole story on the experiments itself wouldn’t have been as much vivid and revealing as the side plots and the turns. The end is quite dramatic, cruel and savage – something on the lines of Chandni Bar (and I think I have said too much).

Something about the author – Kunal Basu’s writing is very rich. He makes me proud because the only other Indian author of English novels that I have read is Chetan Bhagat and, notwithstanding his popularity, he wouldn’t pass in Kunal Basu’s English class. Apart from his fascinating execution of the language, he also has a good hold over history, landscape and botany. I wouldn’t consider it exaggerating to compare him with the likes of J.R.R. Tolkien (undoubtedly, the sales of Racists pale in comparison to The Lord of The Rings). Reading about him in Wikipedia, I wasn’t surprised to find that he was born to parents who were ranked members of the then Communist Party and exposed to culturally rich and diverse visitors.

Overall, it is a slightly heavy novel, and my kinds need to keep a dictionary at hand to appreciate some parts. That apart, it is a beautiful piece of literature, drama and history, and one of my best reads ever (after Gone with the Wind and The Lord of the Rings).

Looking forward to:

1. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
2. The Miniaturist (Kunal Basu)
3. Piccadilly Jim (P.G. Wodehouse)
4. The Fourth Protocol (Frederick Forsyth)

Shaadi.com vs BharatMatrimony.com

This is a long due blog – due to the winner among the two and more so to my friends who are still hunting for a soul mate and are considering/using matrimony website(s) as one of their Stairways to Heaven.

Shaadi.com (henceforth referred to as Shaadi) and BharatMatrimony.com (henceforth referred to as BM) are the two largest matrimony websites in India. I do not have first-hand knowledge about JeevanSaathi.com or other websites. Before I jump into the comparison, I would like to dwell into when one finds his/her way into matrimonial websites, the dangers/prejudices it holds and where and when it works.

Philosophy and reality of matrimony websites

Matrimonial websites are rarely the first option for partner seekers, but they are good, and over the years, they have been very successful in getting the right match, and in some cases, an acceptable compromise. In my case, it didn’t give the solution in the end, but I learned well about Shaadi and BM and have a reasonable idea which one would give a good success rate for which type of people.

So, let’s start with general sphere of influence of these matrimony websites. They are:

Effective for

1. Agarwals, Jains, Maheshwaris and the likes – basically big castes with a good array of mates to choose from. Also effective for Brahmins who are flexible with Brahmin sub-castes.
2. Where marriage must happen within the caste – do or die, billionaire or blind.
3. Doctors and Chartered Accountants, who prefer partners from same profession.
4. Professionals seeking a professional partner without bias for caste.
5. Bohras/Muslims/Christians/Jews – a small array to choose from, so either you find it or you don’t, but at least you don’t waste your time.
6. Beautiful girls – I am not being sexist about it, but they will get many proposals, no matter what, as most guys would sacrifice many other parameters to have a beautiful wife.

Not very effective for:

1. Boys from Banswara – I mean guys small towns or cities. I found that a lot of families/girls have preconceived negative notions about not marrying into a family from a small place, even though the guy is working in a big city or outside India. The same notion isn’t reserved for girls from smaller cities, as they will be move into the bigger city family after the marriage.
2. Seekers from small castes or sections, who are flexible to look out.
3. Run-of-the-mill (read too many available) engineers and management professionals.
4. Professionally successful women beyond the socially accepted marriageable age.

Needless to say – above isn’t a rulebook, but should have a good 80-20 or 70-30 applicability.

Psychology when using such websites

Psychologically, one looks for more superior partners on matrimony websites than what one would be looking for within one’s comfort zone of caste or city. This happens because:

As I said before, a matrimony website is hardly a first option. Generally, we search within the caste, then through near or far relatives or friends. Then we start looking out of the caste into other acceptable (usually ‘higher’) castes within our city/region. At some point, especially these days, parents also ask the son/daughter whether they like or love someone from a good caste (same level or higher). When all frontiers are lost, a half-hearted registration to these websites is made.

Now, my search criteria was as follows (and I think the MUSTs apply in general to a large set of people):

1. Good character/soft and good nature. (MUST)

2. Good family. (MUST)

3. Good education. (MUST)

4. Average-good looks. (MUST)

5. Preferably working, otherwise a housewife, but definitely not very career-oriented. (MUST)

6. Interested in spirituality. (WANT)

7. Very beautiful. (WANT)

8. From a very educated family with parent(s) having a reputable job/profession. (WANT)

9. From a place preferably closer to, or at least easily to reach from, Banswara. (WANT)

But when one looks at matrimony websites, the confidence that these criteria (especially 1, 2) are actually met is low, for there is a chance of misunderstanding, or even worse, cheating. And therefore, we look for and would accept far better partners from matrimony websites than we would within our own castes or region.

The proof of the pudding was seen in the proposals I sent and received on BM. I hardly liked the ones I received and I was rejected or not responded to by the ones I proposed.

The comparison, finally…

Now coming to the comparison, I will do it categorically:

1. The name: When it comes to the name, Shaadi is clearly a winner, for shaadi in Hindi means marriage. In mind, it sounds like the obvious choice. BM’s name has a bit of a hybrid touch. “What is in a name”, they say, but it is for nothing but the name that Shaadi is the biggest matrimony website!

2. Fee: Both websites allow you to look for partners with a free login. But to get contact info, one has to pay. Both are expensive, at least costing above 2k for 3 months (minimum registration period), but BM was slightly cheaper than Shaadi when I registered.

3. Login and ease of handling: BM is easier to use compared to Shaadi. The login to Shaadi is a bit cumbersome and it opens as a pop-up window where tabs cannot be managed, whereas BM works in normal window, where multiple tabs can be opened.

4. Search: The search function in both websites is effective – with enough options of age, height, religion/caste, region, salary etc. to choose from. However, looking at the search results, I always felt that BM offers you a better array of results than Shaadi – this might have something to do with appearances.

5. Appearances: Appearance-wise, BM is far superior to Shaadi. Apart from browsing and tabs-management, the profile and photos look far cleaner and better in BM.

6. Details: Shaadi is horrendously ineffective when it comes to partner details. It is rather strange, for Shaadi profiles are usually uploaded with support from their executives and after their review, whereas BM profiles are developed individually and only some things such as photos are screened before display. BM lets you give as much details about yourself as you like in an organized form (Personal Info, Occupational Info, Religious Beliefs, Hobbies etc.) and at the same time, it lets you share your expectations from life partner in an organized way. Shaadi, on the other hand, is less detailed and doesn’t have an option for describing your options except in the Comments section. In fact, Shaadi by default won’t reveal the person’s name and you are lucky if it is given in Comments section. BM doesn’t have such illogical issues.

7. Horoscope match: Provided you and the searched result have both put the required details of birth date/time and place, the website will auto-calculate the horoscope match and display it just below the profile ID.

8. Contact info and contact: Here again, BM is very effective. You can either dig the person’s phone no. or you can send a message without knowing their email ID. For your account type, you have a certain limit on messages or phone numbers, which is reasonable. In case of Shaadi, they are still living in the stone age. They will mail you the contact info rather than email it, and even then, they will mostly forget or take too much time to respond.

9. Expressing interest: BM offers a good range of choice here, including phone number, text messages and voice messages. If the user is online, you can also do a text chat. Shaadi on the other hand only gives you the contact info after long chasing.

10. Customer support: BM’s customer support is very good. They called me a day after I created my paid profile to inform my about my benefits. Shaadi on the other hand is seemingly full of ineffective conmen. Even after my repeated requests of sending the profiles on my email rather than my mailbox, they didn’t respond and it took 2 personal visits from my sister to resolve the issue.

Conclusion: I think they are right when they say, “What is in a name”?

Disclaimer: All thoughts or notions expressed in here are solely that of the author and are not intended to malign the already maligned reputation of Shaadi or boost the business of BM. The author doesn’t have any profit sharing agreement with BM and will definitely not receive a penny from Shaadi. His sole intention is to reveal the truth as he sees and direct his friends and blog followers to the relatively right path. The comparisons are based on his solumate search on Shaadi between August – November 2010 and on BM between December-February 2011.

Meeting with an accomplished man

Different people have different opinions or notions about what an accomplished man/woman or an accomplished life would be like. However, one notion shared by a wide group is that if one has done and achieved one could do and achieve, then he/she has fully lived the life. I met such an accomplished man today. I will limit my opinions and try to capture most of our conversations.

This gentleman, named Mokhtar Adb Razak, drives executive “limousine” (Toyota/Kia MUV cars). On request of the Park Royal hotel concierge, I agreed on taking a slightly expensive but good quality limousine instead of a regular taxi at a premium of 20 MYR (300 INR) and that was a very good decision.

Preamble

Mokhtar (M): Hello sir, how are you?

Kumar (K): I am fine, thank you.

M: So sir, where are you going?

K: Bintulu.

M: Flying by MAS?

K: Yes.

M: OK. Just need to make sure I send you to the right airport J.

K: OK.

M: You work in Bintulu?

K: Yes.

M: Which sector? Oil?

K: Yes.

M: Which company?

K: Shell.

M: Oh, that’s a very good company. I have seen many people working for the company for 20+ years. It must be a good company to work for, for the people are staying that long. (Sayan and I had a similar discussion yesterday on how sometimes people feel that the company isn’t good enough or fair enough at times, but if you talk outside, you realize you are working for one of the better employers, if not the best, in this region).

Traffic and Taxi business:

M: This morning, there was a terrible jam on the roads coming into the city.

K: Yeah? Actually last night was even more terrible. (Had a storm last night).

M: That was because some old trees fell and four cars were crushed under it.

K: Ohh, anyone got hurt?

M: Luckily no. But unlucky for them, the insurance doesn’t cover the acts of God. They only cover for manly acts of accident and negligence.

K: (Thinking about the driver’s intelligence…) Hmm.

K: So is this your own car or you rent it?

M: Rent.

K: How much do you pay per month?

M: 100 MYR per day.

K: And how is the business?

M: Survival. One cannot become rich as a taxi driver, but it is enough for survival. (I took these remarks as general, but found later that they had a solid foundation from this man’s life).

K: You have family? (This question is almost redundant for a man of M’s age in the East, but this is a poor practice of not assuming anything that I carry from my years in the West).

M: Yes, nine children.

(I was like Wow! I was inclined to immediately ask how many wives he has [in Malaysia, Muslims are allowed to have 4 wives], but thought it would be offensive, even if I add “If you don’t mind asking” bullshit in the beginning of the question … why would one ask a question if he/she thinks it might offend the other person? Then another question came whether Islam too, like Roman Catholics, has ideas that protection shouldn’t be used, but thought that that would be even more offensive. Anyway, this was a turning point in our conversation and it revealed how accomplished a taxi driver with Muslim tag and 9 children could be from within. BTW, there is a great book called as Taxi Driver Wisdom, which I came across in our Mission library in Chennai!)

Family and children

(After a lot of consideration…)

K: Wow, 9 children.

M: Actually I wanted 12, but God’s will was 9. 9 sounds a lot, but once they start going to school and college, it isn’t a lot. Now, there are only 4 left at home (Phew… only!).

K: In this age, people think hard for even having a 2^nd or 3^rd child (referring to the East, the West is further off!).

M: People are worried about children because they equate children with money (which is true in a sense), but I believe that things fall in place anyway (and it did if I see this man – a taxi driver by profession, 51 years old but looking 45, short but fit, a bit bald but still all black hairs, having 9 children and still lamenting about not having 3 more, and most of all carrying a smile and subtlety on his face that shows only the tip of his maturity iceberg).

K: You must have a lot of faith in God.

M: Yes, I do. I try to be a good Muslim.

(After some moments...)

M: Generally, money is tight twice a year. Once when the school begins – to get their clothing, books etc. And the second is during Hari Raya (Ramzan/Ramaadan). However, I am still surviving (with a very gentle smile). And tough times come and there are times when things are very relaxed too. These things come and go.

God and religion

M: Are you Muslim?

K: No, I am Hindu.

M: Oh, so you worship Hindu god?

K: Not really. I am born as a Hindu, but I don’t follow Hinduism in that way. I practice meditation – that is my way of God.

M: OK.

M: If you get an opportunity, you should try to read Koran. (This was said in very positive spirit of sharing something good and not in the converting spirit I have seen with some in the past.)

K: Actually, I have the fortune of having two of my best school friends as Muslims, of which I have very close association with one’s family as well. And then, I also found this nice book called as 365 readings from Islam. Actually I practice meditation, but I like knowing about other religions, what the founders said and how the religions have shaped through centuries.

M: Good, it widens your perspective.

K: (now in boasting mode) You know there is one thing given in the book which I like the most which most of my Muslim friends don’t know and most of them even deny it, as the book has been written by a Dutch man. But these western people are very methodical and I believe in what she said. So, I will ask you the same question – why is Friday a special day for Muslims?

M: You see in Islam, we have a concept of Jamaat (gathering). But before I gather with community, I must gather with my family, and before I gather with the family, I must gather with my wife, and before I gather with my wife, I must gather with myself! (sidetracked as he didn’t understand my question well, but very wise thoughts; later, he also told me something new – that the prophet recommends mating on Thursday night and Monday night to get well-balanced children – Thursday one of course in line with the above thought).

K: That is a very good thought, but my question is – why Friday? Why not Tuesday or Thursday?

M: In Islam and Bible, they say that God created Man in 6 or 7 days depending on reference. Starting with Sunday as first day, the man was completed in 6 days (he gave details that I wouldn’t go into).

K: OK, what you say is one opinion and something that no one has told me before. However, I will tell you what the book says. When Mohammed moved to Medina, he got the idea of doing prayer in-group. He first thought of Saturday, but decided on Friday because Jews are busy on Saturday because of the day of Sabbath, and he thought that by keeping it on Friday, it would also allow Jews who want to join to take part. It shows the openness and consideration of that great man.

M: OK, that may also be right.

(After some moments...)

M: You know I don’t see religion as a way of just following the rituals. I see our prayers as means to reconnect to our creator. That is why we have 5-times prayer of 10 minutes each – to purify our thoughts and to re connect.

[Interesting point – 365 readings on Islam says that when Mohammed first asked Abraham (called Ibrahim in Islam) on how many times we should pray in a day, he got 50 as the answer! Knowing how difficult it would be for people to follow, he requested this to be reduced to 5. How wise!]

K: Your thoughts are very modern and refined and I doubt how many Muslims think like you (in fact, for most people, this man would be called as a heretic; and to be further clear, this lack of openness and refinement is applicable to a big percentage of almost every religious and spiritual group).

M: You know I also don’t believe that Allah is God (whew!). Allah is Allah and God is God. If there is no man, there is no God. God creates man so that he can get recognition (said with a slightly mocking, yet decent laugh). In fact, I think that the God is in each one of us. He created us and what do we do? We can make cars, buildings and what not, but can I make a baby girl if I want to? No. All we do is derive pleasure out of it, but the work of God is done through the intercourse – we create children as God created us. Therefore, I think I am also Mohammed – the messenger of God, bringing creation into the world and continuing God’s existence.

(By this time, I had already started wondering if this man is greatly educated or what? He speaks good English, has bright ideas and sometimes uses very sophisticated and relevant words. However, further conversations revealed that his wisdom stems from experiences of his years, his search motive and his natural living.)

On conversations

M: Although it is not given in the Koran, the Prophet has once said that it is good to have conflicting conversations – truth will emerge out of the conflict, but it is required that both persons are honest and are searching for the truth.

(Thinking later, I thought it is perhaps also true for a married life; these days, people worry so much about the perfect partner and all that, but every couple fights, everyone has tough times in life and so on. However, honest duo in the couple would help each other learn the truth and relish the juice of life).

I don’t know where our conversation ended, but it did end when I reached airport. I felt lucky that I didn’t use the iPod I had taken out when I entered the car and that I followed my natural instinct of not doing anything (in fact the desire of doing a lot in life is most of the times a reflection of own insecurity or smallness).

I felt and still feel very happy – and the right words of the feeling would be that it was the happiness of meeting a pure hearted human being, who has not wasted his life and has rather evolved beautifully through it.

PS: There is an amazing book Meetings with Remarkable Men by G.I. Gurdjieff, which is far better than my blog, but this fact deserved mention only at the end.

Pattaya Potpourri

Most of my friends who learned that I am in Pattaya claimed that I had advertently chosen a course that suits my trip, and it would be very difficult to convince them otherwise, but so it is. Inadvertent and unplanned though, the trip turned out to be quite an unexpected, and mostly pleasant, surprise. There aren’t many photos though, as I didn’t have a camera.

First impressions

The first impressions weren’t great. I was placed in a “Villa” in Chonburi, a province of which Pattaya is one city. I hadn’t expected that finding vegetarian food and English-speaking people would be so difficult. Next day, I just packed my bags and left the villa for the course, not knowing where I will end up. I found out later that most hotels in Chonburi/Pattaya are fully booked due to Chinese New Year (who would think of that?); fortunately I ended up in Sabai Wing on Soi 1 on Pattaya beach road. Boy, life here was different!

People

In the small street where Sabai Wing was located, and in other small streets in Pattaya, you would find more westerners than local people. Pattaya receives heavy dose of tourism owing to great weather, beaches, low cost living and that-which-should-not-be-named (aka prostitution). Westerners are mostly busy with hanging out at beach or water activities, sports, eating outlets, and of course, many with their temporary or long-term partners. Average westerner age could be easily above 50, for Pattaya receives a large number of Europeans retirees for permanent settlement. The local people are mostly into tourist services and very friendly and welcoming. Thailand is perhaps the only country other than India where Namaste is still the primary mode of greeting. It is called Sawasdee. People in TWI office (where I attended the course) were also friendly and helpful; one of them took me out on Friday to Buddhist temples.

Business/Economy

Every 2^nd shop in Pattaya is either an eating outlet, a tattoo shop, a go-go or equivalent bar or a massage shop. Finding vegetarian food was initially difficult, but once I was along Pattaya Beach Road, I found at least 5-6 Indian restaurants – I tried only one, which was opposite my hotel. Aangan Restaurant, which is operated by a Gujarati Brahmin family, is a very spacious and good quality restaurant for vegetarian food. Friendly owners and very high quality food. For 200 Baht (INR 280), you will get 8-dish home cooked menu. I had dinner once in The Pizza Company, but the vegetarian pizza was disastrous – good bread and crisp but horrible selection of toppings – corn, tomato, mushroom, pineapple.

Food and other things such as massage, clothes etc. are cheap in Pattaya and that is one reason I liked the place. Things aren’t overly priced. I think seafood is good and cheap as well; alas, not for my vegetarian palate.

Central Festival

Is a huge shopping mall; one the biggest I have ever been to (and the biggest beach mall in Asia). Malls of such size, which are also to be found in Bangkok and Singapore, bog me down like anything. It takes considerable time and effort to accept one’s smallness in such a big mall. Had a nice mixed fruits crêpe there for 90 Baht (130 rupees) and later found an amazing gift for a good friend who has recently dropped smoking and is hoping to make this effect permanent in my “good” company (of course, my good intention was that he learns to avoid smoking despite a lighter at hand, so that his transcendence becomes irreversible ;-) ). But God had his own will; this nice lighter with flashlight was confiscated in Mumbai airport on my way to KL. It wasn’t confiscated in Bangkok or KL, but Mumbai airport seemingly doesn’t permit any lighters.

Any way, Central Festival is BIG and has most of the well-known brands. Cameras, the reason for which I visited this mall, were extremely expensive here and same models are cheaper in India, Malaysia and Singapore. Apparently, LCD/LED TVs are very cheap here.

Massage and Prostitution

Definitely different subjects, but they are intertwined at certain locations in Thailand.

I am still not sure how to differentiate between one that provides genuine massage services and the one that also provides “add-on” services. I went for a foot massage one day – paid 200 Baht (about 300 INR) and got 1 hr massage. Not a great experience – this was my 1^st foot massage and I was perhaps over-expecting, but the lady, about my mother age, was very good-natured, and diligently carried out the rigmarole. Based on the ambience of that parlour, I can say that the genuine ones would be more open (glass windows) whereas the notorious ones would be veiled. Sabai Dee Massage parlour was one of those – very big massage shop but all closed. Only when I went close to the door to check out, I saw girls standing in a row, waiting to be picked by the interested party. It is one of those things that would disturb almost every nationality, but it happens here – unwarranted but unchallenged.

Go-go and equivalent bars also have single ladies, and so is the case for singles’ groups hanging out on the beach road. However, I think the mantra there is that the guy should woo and haggle. That is as much as I learnt from distant observation.

Prostitution in Pattaya accelerated during Vietnam War (before which, it was merely a small fishing village). Prostitution as a business exists everywhere in the world. My previous assignment in Amsterdam has exposed me to such environments. However, there it is legal and accepted by the ‘open-minded’ Dutch society. In most of the other locations, where it is illegal, prostitution is either forced (by middle-men) on women or it is done out of need for basic necessities of life (food, education for children etc.). Here, the scene appeared a bit different.

There were girls who appeared obviously poor and others who were well dressed and (over) made up. Appearances can be deceiving and it may be so in view of investment for higher anticipated gains, but in a place like Pattaya, basic necessities can be earned from many different ways. So, when I saw a lot of these girls with older western men (very old; perhaps an age difference of 40+), it appeared that in many, if not all cases, the driver here is a better/rich life and not basic necessities. I checked it with one of my local course-mates and he also confirmed this idea.

It might sound weird, but I don’t abhor prostitution as done orthodoxly. I mean most of us subtly do sell our body, mind and soul in working or personal lives. However, this whole process, while profitable to the western old people from company or pleasure point of view, is very disadvantageous to the girls, for they need to be in a constant look out for customers or worse, end up marrying an old man for his money. The whole cache is that life is lived for smaller goals rather than bigger ideals. A poor girl, twice as hard working and earning half as much in a regular profession, would develop significantly in other dimensions, of which the most important are self development and family.

Beach and Walking Street

The beach road offers a good walk through a packed marketplace. On the left are shops and beach on the right with fairer singles discretely distributed. I never went to the beach except for a short minute on the last day at 9:30 AM – blue water, clean beach though small of which most is occupied by easy chairs. I saw at least 30 people parasailing that early in the morning. I heard that all adventure sports and corals watching trips are very reasonably priced in Pattaya.

Walking street is a continuation of beach road, though as the name suggests, it is for walkers only. It is basically an agglomerate of food shops, go-go or otherwise bars and some adult entertainment studios. Someone highly recommended it to me, but I didn’t find it very impressive.

Buddhism

Buddhism is the religion of more than 90% of Thai population, and like India, people are very religious. However, most of the Buddhists are non-vegetarians. This was initially surprising, but if I compare these with east and south Indian Brahmins who also savour seafood, it makes sense that food habits and everything else are adjusted to one’s own ease. Or as Osho puts it beautifully, “We put ourselves at the centre and god at the periphery.” I am not really arguing for or against vegetarianism or otherwise – it is as it is, but people do not follow things completely, though they will kill people for the cause (not referring to Thailand here).

My classmate Sathit was kind enough to offer a visit to Buddhist temples on Friday evening. Quite a trip! First we went to Khao Chee Chan, a place where image of Buddha is carved in gold using Laser (not sure how that was done; need to research). Not a great touristic spot, but beautiful for one visit.

Then we went to another Buddhist temple and that is the strangest temple I have visited to date. Have a look at the picture below; who can tell me that when we go inside, we will find nobody, darkness, lots of dust and shattered glasses all over the place. The place was totally desolate, except for stray dogs in remarkably poor health (under-fed). For sake of time and security, I dared not to go upstairs.

Hydrogen and Helium

This isn’t anything about Pattaya, but during the course, Mark, the instructor, was talking about Hydrogen and Helium in some context. While what he explained was high school stuff – hydrogen is active because it lacks an electron and helium is stable because it has sufficient electrons for its orbital – it suddenly dawned on me that this is true even for people. Activity arises from a feeling of incompleteness; peace arrives with the feeling of completeness. Which is better is left for individual to judge for oneself, but most of us do look out for activity that would lead to inactivity.

Final impressions

Have a look at the photo below – Pattaya coastal line (borrowed from internet; another very beautiful can be found on Wikipedia). It is a very beautiful place; things are reasonably priced; good people; many touristic locations and water activities options (I didn’t explore the bigger and famous Jomtien beach, Big Buddha Image etc.); slightly dangerous for desperate souls (or pleasurable depending on point of view). I shall come back here once again in my lifetime.

Near Miss

I had the biggest near miss of my life yesterday. ‘Near miss’ is normally used as a safety term in manufacturing industry, where it refers to nearly missing an accident that could have led to serious physical harm to an individual (including fatality). Mine was a near train miss (Borivali – Ratlam), but it was still a phenomenal incident.

I am usually lax when it comes to travel – don’t plan too much, never reach a station or airport too early; I just make sure I have the necessary documents and charged wallet & mobile. My father always worries about me (and he did yesterday too), but I am one of the people on right side of Bell Curve who are very lucky when it comes to not missing train or plane. Or as Juedu used to say, “Anything would happen, but a train won’t miss Kumar.”

Bell curve showing that most people (~70%) stay average, whatever it may be - luck, intelligence, money, happiness etc. (graph taken from another blog)

The last near miss was nearly 2 years ago in November 2008, when I returned from Amsterdam for good. I was in Mumbai then too, and left for airport a bit late from my sister’s house in Thane. I reached about 15 mins before flight departure. The Jet Airways staff were kind enough to ask me if it would be OK if I board the next flight to Bangalore. But one of them panicked after she (and I too) realized that I had a business class ticket (thanks to Shell!). So, the record was maintained. That wasn’t bad enough and I needed to learn better, so this real near miss happened yesterday.

My train was scheduled at 7:45 PM from Borivali and I left my sister’s house at Thane (near Hiranandani Estate) at ~ 6:15 PM. They had said earlier that it would take about 40 mins – 1 hour and God only knows what I was thinking when I ignored my sister’s advice to leave the house latest by 5:45 PM. Even after leaving at 6:15 PM, I first went to bus stand with my brother-in-law; not finding a bus there, we started hunting for auto/Meru cabs. I caught one around 6:25 PM and I was haggling for 50 rupees when the guy asked for 250 rupees. Finally, I Okayed and the journey began.

When I was considering missing the train, I felt a very positive feeling in my heart. Many people know that I practice meditation, but many of them do not know that it gifts the practitioner a better sensitivity; mine isn’t great, but this was one time, when I felt that very positive, breeze type feeling and I knew I would make it.

After about 15 km of smooth and hassle-free traffic, we came across a 4-5 km of traffic jam. Traffic jams in Mumbai can be totally blocked (unlike Bintulu J) and I should have accounted for that. Anyway, thanks to this gifted auto driver, who didn’t think a second about his auto’s tyres and suspension and took every narrow space available in the left to transcend the traffic jam. He easily saved 15 minutes there. I gave him 50 rupees extra for his selfless effort.

This auto driver dropped me at Dahisar naaka (junction), as his auto isn’t allowed to go beyond. Now this is really stupid. We have made countries, states, cities, and divided the earth, but that isn’t enough. Within Mumbai, autos are restricted to work in specific (reasonably big) areas. The discomfort it causes to the users is undeniable, but they too lose out in the whole business. Someone may want to justify it as protection of interests of auto-drivers of that region, but one should think what my Master beautifully said in one of his speeches, “When you close your door, you aren’t only stopping others from coming in but also locking yourself.”

Any way, right there at the junction, auto drivers ask for horrendous amounts of money (almost 2-3 times the normal), and I was advised by my BIL that I should walk a bit further and take an auto at normal rate. I did so, despite only 25-30 minutes left. I walked and found that most of them were not interested in going to Borivali station as it is near destination. I kept my cool and tried one after other. Finally, one good man let me in.

With traffic and his relaxed driving, I started getting a bit uneasy. I asked him how much time it would take to reach to the station, making sure to sound casual. He said about 20 minutes. Well, now I started to get worried. I asked him to rush as much as possible and he did. I reached Borivali and was half sure that both inter and intra city trains run through the same station (unlike Dadar). I rushed in, couldn’t find platform number on the entrance platform (my BIL had said it mostly comes at platform 4). I asked one guy there whether both inter and intra city trains are accessed through same station. He asked me where did I want to go. Ratlam, I said. He said intercity trains are at platforms 4 or 6 and directed me.

It was already 7:45 PM, so I took his advice and rushed to the bridge. I saw platform 4’s electronic board without any details, so I hurried down. The stairs are so capped from above that I couldn’t see if any train was already parked. As I just set my foot from the last step, I saw my train in motion. Panting, I asked one guy there whether it is leaving or just arriving. He said it is leaving. My heart sank like feet in the marsh. And then I saw the train slowing down. I almost yelled at the guy for giving me wrong info. He apologized and I said not to worry (was he? J). The spirits rose like ether. My coach stopped right in front of me and I boarded. In 2 minutes, the train departed.

For about 5-10 minutes, I sat in my seat, wide-eyed, still not believing what has happened and wondering whether I have boarded the right train. Right it was – 2961. I thanked God for it and wondered how Scott Adams stood against God. Scott Adams, in his book God’s Debris, postulates that what we call as sheer luck that constantly hits some people who are termed as God-blessed are nothing but a small probability or a small percentage of people who are on the right hand side of the Bell Curve. His argument is solid, because prayers aren’t always answered for everyone and only a few have their prayers answered consistently. In my case, however, I preferred to thank God, because the knowledge of success was already instilled. Someone might argue further that that too could be a coincidence, but there is no end to argument.

My lenience is primarily attributed to not spend extra time at station/airport. However, I sacrificed people’s safety, autos and what not to just meet my ends, which could have met more simply. I was not very stressed, but I am sure I grew older faster by some fraction (which we always do under stress), without having to travel at speeds approaching light.

My record stands better than Kareena of Jab We Met,but it is not worth it, so I make a resolution today (not 2012) to start early for my travel such that I can safely reach airport/station at least 1 hr in advance. Time spent in present and lived peacefully/happily is time well spent.

Foundation trilogy by Isaac Asimov

I came across Foundation trilogy 2 years ago through one of our Master’s speeches, where he recommends reading it. I don’t remember the context, but it should be something related to learning about human psychology or relationships. Anyway, it was a great recommendation to follow and I am going to advertise it further for the joy and exhilaration it has given me for as low as 30 USD.

Few words about the author. Isaac Asimov’s stature in Science Fiction may be compared to Gandhi in Politics and Einstein in Science. The guy really had imagination for words, phrases, situations, science, and most of all, the mind. So much so that this phrase of his doesn’t seem egotistic at all: “People who think they know everything are a big nuisance to those of us who really do”. He has written 470 books on very diverse subjects (some even on Biochemistry, in which he graduated!).

Foundation trilogy is very diverse and enjoyable. Two great things about it are the creative and the unexpected.

Foundation novels are based in a Galaxy dominated by a strong Empire centred at Trantor. Hari Seldon is a psychohistorian – someone who predicts future based on psychological reaction of the masses. He is the real hero of the series, though he hardly lives even 10% of it. He predicts the fall of the Empire and 30,000 years of barbarism following it before humanity will return to normal. He establishes two Foundations with the intent of reducing this span to 1000 years. That is what Foundation trilogy is about, and much more!

Foundation is about First Foundation – a lonely planet established at periphery of Galaxy for the purpose of preparing encyclopaedia to retain knowledge through the period of barbarism. Very soon, the intelligent ones identify that that cannot be it. And then crises come one after other – all seemingly unsurpassable. Only those, who are able to see beyond the obvious and have courage to do what needs to be done, are able to bring them out of the crises. What Asimov really does well is changing the reel fast – from encyclopaedists to diplomats to traders, the situation at Foundation changes every 50 years, like political situation in any country. That makes the novel very interesting. Foundation produces many heroes, but my favourite is Salvor Hardin. Two of his quotes are my all time favourites:

a. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

b. Don’t let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

Foundation & Empire shifts gears. The Empire senses Foundation’s growing power and wants to curb it before it is beyond its own. Once again, mind wins over the muscle; however, a mutant called Mule turns up and he changes the whole power game from physical powers to psychic powers. The novel is the sort that is nice but starts to get tiring because things stop making a point. However, the last chapter really covers up for this seeming pointlessness of the remainder of the novel. It is like 3 Deewarein or Life is Beautiful, where the end makes everything sane, but this one really comes with a Bang! One of the best thriller endings ever.

Second Foundation is a further shift in gear (lower gear perhaps) – it is all about psychic and emotional powers and is a bit difficult to read, both due to heavy psychic wars and tough English. The fight between Mule and Second Foundation is really cool, but the fight between First and Second Foundations starts to drag. One aspect that I liked very much is the fear of the emotional control – one group always fears of emotional/psychic control by the other and is never sure whether what they think is original or not. This happens in life too, and people who read too many books, watch too many movies or listen to too many people should be aware of missing originality. Any way, Asimov handles emotional control very well – until the end, he lets you guess when emotional control is present and when it is absent.

Before it drags too long, let me end the blog here. Try “Foundation” and if you like it, go for the next two in the trilogy. These are really fast read 250 pages novels. For myself, I will read the prequels, which I am told are good (the sequels to Second Foundation are reported to be a drag).

In the queue: The Ultimate Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy!

Palming

Palming

In Mumbai, I was staying at Br. Rajesh Kothari’s house. While talking about health and yoga in general, I learnt about “Palming”.

Palming is a technique of eye relaxation discovered by Dr. William H. Bates. Actually Dr. Bates has developed a full practical science of eyesight improvement, with some of his propositions rejected to date by mainstream ophthalmology. But that is not relevant, because Palming works, at least for me.

In the past 6-9 months, I have been feeling excessive strain in the eyes. This usually happens in evenings. It happens if I have worked on the computer for the whole day and it is more aggressive if I am spending time on my MacBook in the evenings (such as now). Reducing time spent on computer and good sleep helps. Reducing brightness of screen also helps – this was a bit difficult as I like bright places and screens, but actually reducing brightness helps. Palming helps when everything else is unavoidable.

Palming is very simple. It is done by closing eyes and putting palms over the eyes such that light is avoided completely (or as much as possible). The palms are put in such a way that there is no pressure on the eyeballs, the heels of palms rest on cheekbones and the fingers on the forehead. Actually there is a great degree of freedom in choice of how to cover one’s eyes and one has to find what fits best.

I have used Palming only 4 times now. It worked 3 out of 4 and it did not work when I did it lying down. Recently, I read it should be done sitting. I do it only for 5-10 minutes and it works magic. It brings down eye stress and thereby mental tension considerably. It is a versatile exercise in a way because it can be done anywhere and anytime; the efficacy would of course depend on how involved and focused one is in the activity.

I think most people suffer from eye stress these days and this is worth a try. A more clear explanation of the technique can be found here.

PS: Actually a number of books have been published on Bates’ method by Shri Aurbindo Ashram’s publications and are widely available. Dr. Bates have quite a number of propositions that stand in contrast to the current ophthalmology. I don’t remember all but some of these are around how eyestrain is actually caused, how corrective lenses are unnecessary and how fine print reading can improve eyesight. From a purely physical eyeball movement point of view, his theories do appear simply logical.

Buried

Thanks’s to Vinay’s suggestion, I watched Buried in Miri on the New Year. It is one of those movies, which wouldn’t be very inviting from the poster or description. In fact, the multiplex had only 2 A4 size black & white posters, and one wouldn’t be surprised to find only 6 Homo sapiens sitting in the audience.

Buried is not a New Year eve’s movie and thank god I do not have any infatuation with the New Year. Buried is a drama-thriller. But, it isn’t like the normal ones. Everything about the movie is unusual. It is about an American truck driver in Iraq who is taken hostage by insurgents and buried alive. He is left with a mobile phone, few lights, a knife and a lighter (his own) to entertain the insurgents. The whole movie is shot in the coffin and is 99% time focused on a single character – Paul Conroy, played by Ryan Reynolds (these aspects mark this movie as an undisputable piece of art). The movie shows his struggle within the coffin, surrounded by four main themes – fear of death, love for family, dependence on U.S. army/employers to save him and threat of insurgents. The only real hope he is given, rather maliciously, is a mobile phone.

Since the shooting area is limited, it focuses perfectly on human emotions. And perhaps everything is covered – fear, hope, anger, love, care, adrenaline, patience, impatience etc. The movie also captures some very realistic conversations and shows the difference in how people would behave lovingly (family/friends) and practically (e.g. your boss) in real-life situations. Some moments are very touching, for instance one where Paul calls his mother and just tells her he is OK without troubling her with the situation he is in, in the hope that he would come out of it.

Some scenes also mock on the U.S. system. For instance, in one case the guy is calling some department for help and she insists him for giving his social security number. When all hope is lost and he is recording a speech, he records his social security number to make a point. But in the bigger picture, the movie also mocks at the U.S. invasion of Iraq and the troubles and losses the U.S. army had to endure for one man’s whims.

However, what the director does the best is swinging the hope from high to low and back to high, and as the movie progresses the amplitude of this wave increases, making you to hold on to your seat and pray for the good ending. Of course, I won’t tell you the ending here, but it is one of the most dramatic ending I have ever seen (comparable to American Beauty or Amadeus) – it is expected, yet very unexpected.

Perhaps the only unrealistic part of the movie is that after finding himself in the grave, Paul has ‘life’ left to try and save his own life. To insurgents’ credit, they leave lifelines such as mobile phone and torch lights inside. And perhaps to protagonist’s credit, these situations make you behave like no one. When all is on stake, you give everything or you lose yourself.

Babuji Maharaj, on a question on “what is wisdom” said, “Live your life as if you are going to die the next moment.” While death within a moment is difficult to imagine, dying after a day or a year is less difficult to imagine. What would you do if you knew you would/could die in a year? Way of living would change radically. One would be less angry, more loving, more giving, more joyful and thankful for the time one has and at times cry for the inevitable (check out Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture if you haven't seen it before). Paul also shows these emotions very well, except that he is not sure if he’d have time to make up.

To cut a long story short, check this movie out if you like art and quality and if you don’t mind seeing a couple of disturbing scenes. Not recommended for pregnant women, children less than 13 years old and those who are old by spirit.