Rafta Rafta

Life at home was ever the same but it is very different this time. People who know me well know had kept me, my mind and my time most occupied during all my previous visits/stays and it is no wonder that the life is different. The effects, however, are more far-fetched than what people predicted and what I could imagine.

Days have been silently busy. Time is passing swiftly in talking with family, meeting a few people, doing small jobs at home, reading books (someone’s eyebrows are raised?) and of course my spiritual sadhna.

To be very frank and also a little offending, I am not missing the part, which people deemed very essential to the swift flow of my time and life in this small town. In fact, life seems completely changed, partially by the absence of the “essential”, but more so because of a change of potential, which I am feeling very clearly and which is also giving me a very clear direction.

This change of potential, again, is not the difference between the presence and absence of the “essential”, but rather, the difference in life in Amsterdam and Banswara. Pardon my strange comparison, but to me, Amsterdam and Banswara wouldn’t make a big difference, but for my state of mind – whether it is totally busy with thoughts of doing things which it has to do to satisfy certain worldly requirements of office or home or it is free to linger where it wants or where it thinks it should.

2 days back, my father told me a very beautiful definition of work. It gives a better feel in Hindi: Jo karna pade, woh kaam hai! Playing cricket, for example, is something that can naturally come to a child, and hence for him, it is no work. Accountancy is something that naturally comes to my father and he enjoys it very much and hence for him, it is play. He struggles when he has to learn new things about computer and that, for him, is work.

This exactly, is the difference in my condition here at home and back in Amsterdam. I don’t deny the fact that we have to work and that play alone can’t occupy life forever. The real challenge is to convert every work to play (and also every play to work!) and I’ll work on it when I return to Amsterdam.

I must also point that with all the play and easy stress-hassle-free life, I am not being lazy at home. Rather, it is totally opposite. My mind and body feel more ready to jump on any task than ever.

Another extremely important feature of my stay this time is the stillness is heart. There are very few friends (or none?) around and more so, there are not many people whom I wish to meet. I like conversations which are novel in nature, whereas most people whom I meet stumble after asking a few basic questions: Aur kaisa hai? Sab badhiya? Kaam kaisa chal raha hai wahaan? Kahaan, Holland mein hi hai naa? Waapas aana hai ya wahin settle hona hai? 1 Euro mein kitne rupaiyee hote hain?

I hardly get people with whom I can have novel conversations and still, I hardly feel alone! My thoughts, my spiritual practice, my family and the books look sufficient. I would like to talk with a few friends, but I am not dying without them.

Another yet remarkable feature of my time here is the clarity in thought process. Most of the times, mind is never fully certain about thoughts and actions but this time, things are unfolding so smoothly and it feels really good. I also strongly feel that some knots (used metaphorically, not the spiritual knots!) inside are loosening and I am able to see reality of things more freely.

This clarity in thought process and novel thoughts are also motivating me to write those thoughts in the blog. I’ll try to word my thoughts and express them here as much as I can. There are 2-3 more interesting ideas for photos-dominated blog but my poor old computer doesn’t have a slot for my camera’s SD card.

I am also going around very freely this time. I got liberated from my mobile. I am hardly carrying it since it is on international roaming and I hardly expect any calls. I don’t expect to get many calls on my temporary national number and I wouldn’t mind missing calls, quite unlike the past. My watch was lost in Pune. Most of the times, my wallet is not with me and if I anticipate to spend some money on the way, I just take that rather than carrying the whole lump.

I know I’ll not have the above luxury back in Amsterdam. But what I feel more strongly is that instead of the physical feeling of wallet or mobile, their effects on mind grip my attention much more. A feeling of loss and a feeling of missing any calls or messages is always associated with wallet and mobile, respectively. And in such instances, it is possible to free oneself of the hold if attention is drawn away in a proper manner.

It rained heavily in Banswara today and I went out and got wet and enjoyed the rains after so many years. We loose loads of things when we become adult and this is one small bit.

I am reminded of the song Scientist by Coldplay. As a whole, I really think I am going back to the start. I am very happy.