Living life

Like people hardly remember God when life is going good, my blogs hardly come when times are good. And that is ought to be because in that state, mind is not looking for answers to questions that otherwise pop up and create a stir in the stable life.

I have been living a life of quite some discipline in the past 3-4 years and spirituality has been the prime driver for that. Having a disciplined spiritual life brings about discipline in other aspects of life as well, which in my opinion are physical and mental. Physical discipline is achieved as daily routine is more easily established, the food intake is healthy, sleep is sufficient and deep and breathing becomes more normal. More importantly, mental discipline is established as mind does not wander off too much, ambitious tendencies get limited and turn into aspirations, there is satisfaction with things at disposal and mind is balanced and focused on the most important thing.

Not that the above have been permanent features of my life of the past 3-4 years, but I have seen them happen to me sufficiently, these features established for different lengths broken by spells of a lesser degree of balance. As it would not be difficult to interpret, the thoughtful present period is one where the balance is not fully established; there are strong waves in the ocean. I again observe that the driver behind physical and mental imbalance is some sort of spiritual imbalance. Why that imbalance comes into picture is another story in itself.

It has been my regular observation that it is very easy, almost natural for us to fall back or into old, bad patterns. I know good and bad can be qualitative and subjective, so I will try to give some examples below which may indicate my good and bad:

1. Sleeping late for various reasons, most of which are avoidable. Bad because I would like to get up early in morning for my meditation and may be a fresh walk. But be it internet surfing, excuse of replying to emails or just watching a movie, I can always find an excuse to stay wake till late.
2. Greedy shopping, as I have done in the past few days in the cheapest place in the world (US). In fact, one of my colleagues was doing the same in the first week as he was to return two weeks earlier than me and since he is not a friend, I had to control myself giving him some geeta-pravachan (about not being too greedy and not falling prey to desires etc.). Come my last week and I am no different.
3. Eating - eating more when the food is tasty and eating even more when it is more tasty. Very few people eat as much as should be eaten.
4. Becoming ambitious with regards to my work, sometimes working too hard, thinking that I can still balance my life despite a long working day, thinking that I won't work overtime tomorrow, thinking that I can work like this all my life without even losing an inch of balance.

Now these are just a few examples and the list can be even longer. I am not feeling guilty about them. But it surely makes me think that many of these patterns often repeat themselves. When they do and imbalance comes into picture, I feel that I got across a stumbling stone, that I have got some harsh experience and I got wiser in the process and will behave better in the future. Does not work out in many cases. Why? Patterns repeat themselves because as I said earlier, it is always easy to fall back or into bad patterns.

What I would really like to do is to get free of them. Why patterns repeat and how to get free of them is another epic in itself. In Sahaj Marg system, patterns are explained in terms of effect of past samskaras (impressions left on us by past thoughts and actions) and the solution is practice of cleaning these impressions. I vaguely remember my mama once telling me that Gurdjieff has explained this in terms of bridging 2 points in evolutionary ladder by help of a source higher than oneself and which otherwise are always disconnected, sending one back to square 1. The Hindu philosophy of reincarnation till liberation is another way of looking into it.

All I am trying to say it is that when patterns repeat and wisdom re-dawns on us a nth time, we should become careful. Actually the sad part is that many people:

1. Either do not observe it at all
2. Or think that falling back into these patterns is natural and a way of life
3. Or think that they will do something about it later
4. Or just give up on these after certain attempts

I was talking with a very good friend the other day and found that something similar to ambitious work orientation has resulted in a quite bad health patch in his life. And I bewared him again of repeating patterns, as I have observed myself in his case. Now he knows that he is in trouble and wants to do something about it but does not want to give up on his working habits because like always, it is an important time in his working career.

I am many a times challenged for my ways of thinking and living by asking me why one should attempt to do something or achieve something when the natural reactions tell otherwise (is natural reaction not an oxymoron in itself?). Take examples of late night out, eyeing other women despite being committed, ambitious work practices, lust of money, jealousy of others' luck - all is natural. Why to make effort to change?

Perfect argument and it surely challenges me. Especially because if I try to do things in a certain way that do not happen naturally, I am indeed pushing it - mentally or psychologically. In that way, it may be a gap in my psyche or my understanding that I am pushing it in a certain way instead of having it have its natural way.

I have been studying solid state chemistry and movement of atoms within a lattice for the last 2 days. One of the pet statements of our instructor is - Mother Nature always want to go into a state of lower energy. Would I try an anti-gravitational field so that my chair stays in the air instead of on the floor? Surely not. Or would I not eat even when I am dead hungry, just to practise fast? Surely not. Why then to control or regulate other natural occurrences or instincts?

Good question. I do not know an absolute answer to it, but I surely know that one surely feels wise when a bad patch has passed or has been overcome. And one decides to deal better with life in future. I remember this guy from the movie Euro Trip - every time he wakes up in morning after a night full of drinking, he says that he would not drink again. And of course, he does, falling back into patterns.

Brian L Weiss, the author of Many Lives, Many Masters summarizes it beautifully (albeit intellectually too) - "The experience is necessary to add emotional belief to intellectual understanding. But the impact of experience always fades to some degree."

I also think that there is a difference between atom and human beings; human beings have been successful in using atoms to make atom bombs, but atoms have never been reported to use human beings. If we were only an aggregate of atoms, we would behave similar to atoms in a metal or a liquid or a gas; we are a mixture of all physically, are we not? Thus something non-atomic, non-material is there in the picture, which drives us to think, makes us feel wiser, drives us to sometime go unnatural to break patterns.

It may be my mind, my soul, both or something else. But something is surely out there and that creates a difference. That also makes us special, but that also makes us responsible. Atoms do not complain on being stretched or compressed or heated or quenched, but we surely would - in ALL cases! And here, I think, one of the precepts of Christ proves to be important, germane to our existence - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

And well, as for using our wisdom for a better tomorrow, another saying (Christ's as well?) that applies is - "Charity begins at home". I hope charity will begin in each home.